EastOkHotRod
Member
Many of you know me from a previous post as THE SHRUBBERY DEVIL. For years, I have kept my lonely vigil...wearing my GOLD-SHIELD CCW Badge as I enforced the law and assured morality in my community.
YES, the law officers of my little town occasionally snickered and pointed at me as i strolled down the street with my four concealed carry guns and five badges (see previous posts). But the laughter ended most abruptly during the waning days of summer.
Let me tell the story:
It was a sultry morning in late August when I decided to amble down to the local water park, Oceans Of Ecstacy. I yearned merely to frolic in the giant wave pool and unburden myself of the responsibility I bear as a holder of a Gold CCW badge. But, alas, it was not to be.
I was on top on Gusher Mountain when I saw them. Gusher Mountain is this tube that curves round and round like a crazy straw, you see. As it came my turn to enter the tube, I noticed about a dozen members of MS13 (my old nemesis) in line behind me...there machetes gleaming in the late summer sun. Another dozen waited below...in the very pool into which i would be ejected at the end of the ride. I WAS TRAPPED. TRAPPED, I SAY!
There was naught to do but enter the tube. The water sloshed about me as I sped towards my doom. What chance does an unarmed man have in a situation like this?
But alas, I was not unarmed. Ripping off my MuMu, I spread my ample legs wide, and brought my body to a stop in a watery curve by the friction of my hairy thighs. I was now NAKED! GLORIOUSLY NAKED! (and...for the benefit of the ladies...attractively naked at 5'8 and 345 pounds)
NAKED...except for my guns and CCW BADGES. I NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WIThout my guns. My primary carry piece is a Ruger Super Redhawk chambered in .480 Ruger. On my weak side is my trusty back up piece...a 500 S&W. On my right ankle is a Colt Combat Commader. On my left ankle, a .357 Colt Python. There is a CCW BADGE glued to each holster. All of them vacuum packed in plastic for my day at the water park. My main CCW GOLD SHIELD dangled from my neck.
(That is not all that dangled, for my manhood is a weapon of it's own. 'wink' to the ladies.)
With these weapons I awaited the knife-wielding thugs of MS13. IT WAS A BLOOD BATH! They came...they slid close to me...I dispatched them with my firearms.
Their lifeless bodies piled into a heap in the pool below, where the other members of MS13 awaited me. AND HERE I WAS, OUT OF AMMO! Out of ammo in my firearms...haha. But I always carry a speargun when i go to the waterpark.
Need I say what happened after that? I am here. Two dozen members of MS13 are not.
I was interviewed by the police for hours. Not as a suspect. They were interested in any tips I could offer them. Then I got back in my '78 Thunderbird and drove away. In the rearview mirror I noticed how the policemen admired the lightbar atop my T-Bird. It is a vintange police light-bar...with the letters CCW boldly stamped in front of the flashing strobes.
The police chief of my little town is trying to rig a spotlight that he can aim at the clouds to summon me to duty. Soon, I shall climb to my roof at night and look for the CCW SIGNAL that means I must answer the call.
THE SHRUBBERY DEVIL bids you a good night.
YES, the law officers of my little town occasionally snickered and pointed at me as i strolled down the street with my four concealed carry guns and five badges (see previous posts). But the laughter ended most abruptly during the waning days of summer.
Let me tell the story:
It was a sultry morning in late August when I decided to amble down to the local water park, Oceans Of Ecstacy. I yearned merely to frolic in the giant wave pool and unburden myself of the responsibility I bear as a holder of a Gold CCW badge. But, alas, it was not to be.
I was on top on Gusher Mountain when I saw them. Gusher Mountain is this tube that curves round and round like a crazy straw, you see. As it came my turn to enter the tube, I noticed about a dozen members of MS13 (my old nemesis) in line behind me...there machetes gleaming in the late summer sun. Another dozen waited below...in the very pool into which i would be ejected at the end of the ride. I WAS TRAPPED. TRAPPED, I SAY!
There was naught to do but enter the tube. The water sloshed about me as I sped towards my doom. What chance does an unarmed man have in a situation like this?
But alas, I was not unarmed. Ripping off my MuMu, I spread my ample legs wide, and brought my body to a stop in a watery curve by the friction of my hairy thighs. I was now NAKED! GLORIOUSLY NAKED! (and...for the benefit of the ladies...attractively naked at 5'8 and 345 pounds)
NAKED...except for my guns and CCW BADGES. I NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WIThout my guns. My primary carry piece is a Ruger Super Redhawk chambered in .480 Ruger. On my weak side is my trusty back up piece...a 500 S&W. On my right ankle is a Colt Combat Commader. On my left ankle, a .357 Colt Python. There is a CCW BADGE glued to each holster. All of them vacuum packed in plastic for my day at the water park. My main CCW GOLD SHIELD dangled from my neck.
(That is not all that dangled, for my manhood is a weapon of it's own. 'wink' to the ladies.)
With these weapons I awaited the knife-wielding thugs of MS13. IT WAS A BLOOD BATH! They came...they slid close to me...I dispatched them with my firearms.
Their lifeless bodies piled into a heap in the pool below, where the other members of MS13 awaited me. AND HERE I WAS, OUT OF AMMO! Out of ammo in my firearms...haha. But I always carry a speargun when i go to the waterpark.
Need I say what happened after that? I am here. Two dozen members of MS13 are not.
I was interviewed by the police for hours. Not as a suspect. They were interested in any tips I could offer them. Then I got back in my '78 Thunderbird and drove away. In the rearview mirror I noticed how the policemen admired the lightbar atop my T-Bird. It is a vintange police light-bar...with the letters CCW boldly stamped in front of the flashing strobes.
The police chief of my little town is trying to rig a spotlight that he can aim at the clouds to summon me to duty. Soon, I shall climb to my roof at night and look for the CCW SIGNAL that means I must answer the call.
THE SHRUBBERY DEVIL bids you a good night.
