Thanks for all the quick responses. I did find an M&P 45 to look at today. I liked it and it did fit well. I am going to try to find a rental if I can to shoot it. I also found a full size 1911 with a shorter combat trigger that might work.
All the double stacks are too big unfortunately and I did find a Glock 36 to try. Could not grip it.
Once again, thanks for the feedback. Glad I found the forum.
First, welcome to the forum. Be forewarned that when you ask such open questions, you'll get a bunch of opinions that are completely and totally biased toward each individual's favorite guns... I am probably in that group but I'll try to be objective.
I have a similar problem - smaller hands and short fingers. (My
Johnson is
HUGE, but my hands are tiny. "Johnson" is the name I've given to my Louisville Slugger that I keep beside the door...) Without humor, we are just upright animals. So bear with me. I have ADHD.
I have tried and tried to find a "modern" pistol (Tupperware/Polymer) but always return to the Model 1911 single stack design. The DA (double action), striker-fired polymer models ALL have a trigger pull that is much too long for my stumpy fingers. I've shot dozens and dozens of them without success. I carry a Colt Defender in .45 ACP and find that its formed rubber grips (by Hogue) and its historically smooth trigger, fit me perfectly. Yeah, it costs more. How much is your life worth?
Good luck with your search and keep us posted. Take your time though. Purchasing a self defense gun is an important decision. Buy the gun that fits you well AND one that you can shoot with some accuracy. Then practice, practice, practice. And I don't mean only shooting it at the range. You need to practice deploying it from a cover garment, in various scenarios (like in your car) and you must practice reloading. All of it matters.
Again, welcome aboard. And grow some thick skin - you're liable to get flamed occasionally while here. All in all, the group is a great bunch of people, all arguing the same side, but they get there by different paths.
And so it goes...