To the OP-
Forgive me for a slight hijack.
BOT @ the bottom of this post!
Iceman.. I really appreciate your approach to this question.
Your assumtion is correct that you must have some sort of relationship with God in order to understand the way he communicates with believers.
For the "unbeliever" AND "believer" alike:
God's primary way of communicating is the Holy Bible.
But, this does NOT mean that the heavenly FATHER communicates solely through his WORD.
BUT!!!
The "Holy" Bible is the STANDARD to which ALL communcations about GOD and the "spirit" world should be weighed.
Another method God uses to speak to our "spirit" is through the "Holy" SPIRIT.
For the unbeliever, the Holy Spirit's message usually begins with a prompting to ASK questions about God, life, death, morality, etc.
(Much like the questions you're asking here)
"IF" the UNbeliever is "truly" seeking answers from GOD, he WILL get them!
Often the answers come from "believers" who point to the WORD as reference.
Then, if the unbeliever still seeks more "TRUTH", the "Holy" Spirit (aka; Spirit of TRUTH) will begin the process known as "conviction".
(This process will "hopefully" lead the unbeliever to understand their need for repentence and salvation.)
With the process of repentence comes salvation. SALVATION will bring you into RELATIONSHIP with God. This will allow "OPEN" and "FULL" communicationwith God. (Even unbelievers know how difficult it is to "communicate" someone unless there is a "relationship" AND "speak" the same language.)
Again:
This transformation or RE-birth of our spirit man needs to take place in order for us to communicate "FULLY" with God.
(Until we are "reborn" as the WORD says, we are limited in our ability to hear from HIM.)
To sum it up:
The "Holy" SPIRIT of God can/does speak to the "spirit" of man.
(It is a SPIRIT to spirit communication.)
But, he also uses his WORD which is the "Holy" Bible; AND he uses other believers. (ie; prophets, teachers, evangelists, pastors AND fellow Christians)
Our ability to "UNDERSTAND" what god is saying to us IS directly liked to the amount of FAITH (aka Trust) we have in HIM; and it is also dependent on our WILLINGNESS to walk "obediently" in HIM.
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NOW, back to topic:
If my pastor came to me in the manner described, I would most likely take issue with his method. A "mature" pastor should call you into his office for a "PRIVATE" conversation; if he has problems with CC in church.
AND
For me, being able to CC in church is part of "my" membership agreement. So if the leadership broke that agreement, I would take it as a message that they NO longer wanted my membership.