My Spouse Doesn't Like Guns


S

Sean Kerwick

New member
My spouse had a stepfather who abused guns around his family and has them closed-minded to owning guns and having them available. Our neighborhood, and the world, has changed in the last twenty years, and I find myself wanting to have some personal, family, and home defense. A big dog is just not enough anymore.

I've asked this to owners, but never to instrucors: How should I go about approaching the subject with my spouse? I want my family safe, both from the outside, and while on the inside.

Note: my spouse is my wife. I stated it the way I did because I'd like to hear answers which apply to both sexes. Some guys hate guns, too.
 

probably have to prove to her you do not use guns to intimidate your family and loved ones as her step dad done but carry for self defense purpose only and protective and good way........that will probably not be easy at all is my guess... if you do get a gun don't push her on issues with it or try to get her to handle it or anything just tell her you got one and it will be in such and such a place for home protection she doesn't have to use it but if you not home and the gun is and she needs it set it up to where she can just pick it up point and pull the trigger if needed and leave it at that......or if you going to carry it make sure you don't scare her with it and not make any deal out of it just wear it and at night put it in the same place all the time in the same condition
best wishes

btw welcome aboard!

ps i never cared for guns around either i married a guy who was into guns i later left him not because of the guns but he was not the man i thought he was in other areas.....but i wasn't into them at all for the longest time until more recently when i gave it a good hard thought as home in my area were being broken into and a lady right across the street was robbed at gunpoint and being much older and more easy a target for criminals i thought more and more a gun might be a good tool for my own protection so here i am a concealed carrier today so peoples attitudes do change in time just be patient hers may too
 
If you have been married or together for 20 years, I would like to assume that there is a pretty deep seated trust in your relationship. If so, maybe you can approach the subject from the caring side. You already know that she has an issue with guns so appeal to her sense of self preservation, like you said, the world is a different place today. Find some instructional videos on the Internet. The USCCA website is a great resource for gun handling, education and it shows real people, many of them women that carry weapons and shoot competitively. I know my wife became much more comfortable by watching the videos and gaining the knowledge of gun safety and different types of guns. Ask her if she would like to go to a range. Find one that rents guns so there is no commitment. Maybe at first she could observe you or others shooting from behind the glass. In my experience, once you can show someone that it isn't the gun that is the issue and that the operator is responsible for the guns actions, they eventually become more comfortable. You could even start out with a BB gun plinking at aluminum cans to build her comfort level. Then move up to a .22 pistol and so on. Luckily for me, while my wife had not done much shooting, her family is a hunting family so she was around responsible gun owners. I wish you all the best on convincing her to at least give it a try. I think if you can do that, she will come around. My wife and daughter love to shoot now. I just bought my wife her first gun ever, a Sig Mosquito with purple highlights, that's her favorite color.
 
not an instructor, but my wife detested guns and was freaking out about it as soon as I told her I was going to get one, and eventually got one. i have a 6.5 year old daughter, so that was a partial concern.

i think people react the way they do towards guns because of their purpose/stigma. they exist to kill, first and foremost, pure and simple. a very small step towards getting over that and seeing it as something that can also be used for defense, and eventually even recreation, is to explain your reasoning for wanting one to the the other person. a week after i bought mine and felt comfortable around it enough, i OFFERED my wife to hold the unloaded gun in her hand. to see it as merely an object, not something alive/with a mind of its own, that would jump out and try to kill her. she held it for a little bit and i could see a lot of the fear literally melt away. then as soon as i got a safe for it she felt even better.

every once in a while i'll drop a hint about going to the range with me so she can get over another chuck of that fear that most people have, even those that don't hate guns. having a loaded gun in your hand is a big step, then shooting a few magazines through it is also a big step. that i think will also make a big difference, by making a person feel that THEY are the ones in control of the gun, not the other way around. before that of course one would need to understand how the particular gun worked, dry runs/etc, before loading it.

i don't expect my wife to ever become a gun lover, but it would be fun to go shooting with her someday. but whenever i go to the range she doesn't say one bad thing about it, or make me feel like i'm going to the bar to get drunk or something. she now accepts it and doesn't have a fear of it, or of me with it.

i think in your particular case, part of the fear is of the power that the object held when it was used in her family in the past, she associates the object with the person. i think getting her to hold it and see it for merely an object and not the person WHO USED to hold it will do wonders eventually.

i keep it in a safe by the bed side, take it out every two weeks to the range for practice and then cleaning.
 
''once you can show someone that it isn't the gun that is the issue and that the operator is responsible for the guns actions, they eventually become more comfortable.'' i agree and also how Link Removedeased his wife comfortably into handling the gun as i too was afraid to even pick up my own gun for years i tried to copy and past your name but the whole thing come up and it wont' let me delete it .....computer skills i do lackaraczynski
Link Removed
 
eagleeyes said:
''i tried to copy and past your name but the whole thing come up and it wont' let me delete it .....computer skills i do lackaraczynski
Link Removed
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:) happens. hold the mouse ABOVE (not in front of) the first letter (while the mouse cursor is still an arrow, not a pointed hand/finger) and click-drag diagonally down across the name, that should highlight just the name and skip the picture. then just either use the Ctrl-C key combo on your keyboard to copy (and Ctrl-P to paste at wherever the blinking cursor is at), or right click and choose 'copy' as normal.
 
Take her out shooting, my wife did not care for guns around the house but with three boys into hunting and fishing, began going hunting with us to be around the boys, after a couple of hunting trips middle son and her sat in blind and she got her first deer. Since then she has her cc and carries all the time.
 
This is a really tough issue with some "spouses."

It seems to all depend on how the other person was raised.

You can go with the status quo route, or the subtle manipulation route, or the lay down the law route, or just do your own thing and ignor the results.

If it were me, in your shoes, I would first buy an nice gunsafe. Then put your valuables and important papers in it, birth certificates, deeds, legal documents, in a fireproof box at the bottom of the safe. Jewelry, cash, cameras, laptops, somewhere in the shelves. Then I would just find and shoot and buy (in that order) your ideal handgun (pistol or revolver) and ammo. Keep that at the top of the gunsafe on the top shelf, so the kiddie cannot reach it at any time.

Then decide on your level of security. Under low security, the gun is unloaded and the gunsafe is always locked. Your wife *should* have no problem with this. This is similar to stand-down conditions in any military armory.

Under high security, the gun is loaded and chambered and on the top shelf of the gunsafe, and the gunsafe is open. This might perturb your wife however. With kids in the house, this is not always a very good idea, sometimes even a bad idea.

Either way, an unloaded gun locked in a gunsafe with ammo on a different shelf, is better than nothing. It takes a few moments to get ready for defense, but it is better than nothing. You need to unlock the safe and load the weapon. That all takes time.

A loaded gun on the top shelf of your gunsafe which inside a holster goes under your pillow before you go to bed is the highest state of readiness and requires only a few seconds to withdraw and shoot.

Don't give your wife or kid(s) the combination to the gunsafe. If she needs something out of the safe then get it for her, jewelry, cash, etc. Only give your estate lawyer the combination, so he/she can get into it if you die in a car accident etc.

Then just go with the flow. After 20 years of marriage, I am sure things will work out ok after awhile.

It is your responsibility to protect your family. You cannot outsource this to 911.

You also need to protect yourself at all times, and not sacrifice yourself to the pacifistic defeatist whims of your wife.

It's all good, some of it is better than others, but it is not worth dying for no matter what.
 
"I've asked this to owners, but never to instrucors":

This is kind of funny and not to be disrespectful to anyone but the man was curious about opinions from instructors and I would venture to say not one of us posting yet is an instructor.
 
longslide10 said:
"I've asked this to owners, but never to instrucors":

This is kind of funny and not to be disrespectful to anyone but the man was curious about opinions from instructors and I would venture to say not one of us posting yet is an instructor.
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Bad guess. I used to instruct hundreds of infantry riflemen.
 
Nightmare45 said:
Take her out shooting, my wife did not care for guns around the house but with three boys into hunting and fishing, began going hunting with us to be around the boys, after a couple of hunting trips middle son and her sat in blind and she got her first deer. Since then she has her cc and carries all the time.
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A good manipulation move. If you are a good manipulator, this might actually work. But if your wifey is jaded and hardened against guns, it might not.
 
In my years of teaching at the local range and friends here ta my place women who did dislike firearms have three major reasons why. First they have little or no understanding of them basic fear of the unknown and what the media has told them. Second noise guns are loud thus scary. Third recoil due to the movies and news many people think that that majority of firearms will kick like mule. My solution is simple. First time out I use 22 suppressed handguns no ear protection. This allows even the most dainty female to shoot with no recoil and almost no noise. Once on person shoots then the rest there all want to try. This allows you to teach the fundamentals while not allowing the noise, recoil or most of the fear to come into it. Next class I bring out the suppressed 9mm more bang still hearing safe with a bit of recoil. Third class now they have had the recoil and are shooting good we revert back to the 22 only now unsuppressed and the hearing protection goes on. Now they know how to shoot and can do it the noise and a bit of recoil is not that big a deal and it did not effect there learning. Then we move on to 380's and 9mm and a 45 for those willing to try it. Done this way I find people are much more willing to try a larger caliber without much hesitation. Everybody has there way of doing things this is what I have found works best for weary females, males and kids.
 
I would try to get her to take a good basic class. I teach many new shooters in class and only shoot 22 pistols and revolvers so they dont get scared off by the recoil and noise. I had an antigunner friend one time and finally talked her into going shooting. Before we even touched the guns we talked about her dislike for them and worked through that. We ended up spending all day shooting and shot a little bit of everything. She still doesnt own a gun but understands what they are needed for and doesnt have a problem with anyone else owning one now.
 
maine04619 said:
In my years of teaching at the local range and friends here ta my place women who did dislike firearms have three major reasons why. First they have little or no understanding of them basic fear of the unknown and what the media has told them. Second noise guns are loud thus scary. Third recoil due to the movies and news many people think that that majority of firearms will kick like mule. My solution is simple. First time out I use 22 suppressed handguns no ear protection. This allows even the most dainty female to shoot with no recoil and almost no noise. Once on person shoots then the rest there all want to try. This allows you to teach the fundamentals while not allowing the noise, recoil or most of the fear to come into it. Next class I bring out the suppressed 9mm more bang still hearing safe with a bit of recoil. Third class now they have had the recoil and are shooting good we revert back to the 22 only now unsuppressed and the hearing protection goes on. Now they know how to shoot and can do it the noise and a bit of recoil is not that big a deal and it did not effect there learning. Then we move on to 380's and 9mm and a 45 for those willing to try it. Done this way I find people are much more willing to try a larger caliber without much hesitation. Everybody has there way of doing things this is what I have found works best for weary females, males and kids.
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Sounds like a great progressive teaching method. You sound like a great professional instructor.

I think most of us learned with 22's anyway, since that is the rifle or handgun (pistol or revolver) that most youths begin with, either plinking or hunting rabbits and squirrels.
 
longslide10 said:
I stand corrected. Maybe I should rephrase that to "a majority of us posting are not instructors".
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Maybe its better just not to assume.

That's one of the first things they teach new recruits in the military -- never assume. Assuming seems to be a very bad civilian habit. Probably learned and taught in high school, by kids faking their way through exams, then it inadvertently becoming a lifestyle, inconsistent with military decisions.
 
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