At the risk of incurring the ire of the macho caliber adherents, I would suggest a Beretta 21-a in 22 caliber loaded with CCI Stingers, Velocitors, or 40gr round nose Mini-Mags. It's an ultra reliable firearm, easy to load with the tip up barrel, mild enough to shoot often and accurately (its shot placement and practice), packs 8 rounds, is small, and has a great grip. The reliability of the CCI 22lr ammo mentioned negates concerns about whether it will go "bang" when you pull the trigger. At true self-defense distances, well placed center-mass and/or head shots will resolve adverse social situations.
If you prefer a revolver, buy a stainless steel S&W Model 640 hammerless with the full Hogue grip, or Ruger SP 101, either in 357 caliber. The S&W would be preferable because there is no hammer to snag when removing it from a purse, and it can be fired from inside a purse or coat pocket. The S&W may be a little pricey, but it’s cheaper than buying multiple guns to replace the ones you didn’t like. You sound like a newer shooter, so stay away from ultra-lite revolvers. They are hard to shoot accurately, have a hard, pounding recoil, and you will not like to practice adequately with them.
Load it with 38 special Hornady Critical Defense 110 gr, or Federal HydraShok 110 gr ammo for controllability and performance. Do NOT carry 357 magnums in it. In a short barrel they add very little performance increase, are painful to shoot, hard to control, and in a car, or building - even outdoors without proper protection could damage your hearing. When you get comfortable with the gun, then consider a 38 Special plus P Critical Defense load or the Gold Dot 38 Special plus P for short barrel 135 gr load.
For the record, purse carry is NOT recommended. The purse may be snatched and the gun stolen, or if you are grabbed from behind it will be almost impossible to retrieve your firearm.