Just a few truism's


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* Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards = NAIVE

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* There are three religion truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as their Messiah.

b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

c. Lutherans do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

* Words that soak into your ears as whispered...not yelled.

* If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

* Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a car isn't called a racist?

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Why isn't number 11 pronounced onety one?

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen can be defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* If Fed Ex and UPS were to merger, would they call it Fed Up?

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

* Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Always drink up stream from the herd!

* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* I was thinking about how some people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me...maybe they're cramming for their final exam.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the post office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If it's true that we're here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

* Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

* Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop diggin'.

* Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

* Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.

* Each year as income tax time approached, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?

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