Go to a range that rents handguns and try them out. Go with a larger-size handgun, as the weight will dampen the recoil. Also, handguns that enable a high grip (and/or have a low bore axis) have less recoil, e.g., Glocks. See Chuck Hawks | Handgun Recoil Table.
I am not going much into the no-recoil comment. There are compensators and there is the recoilless rifle. A full-auto shotgun with no recoil? Never heard of it.
I agree with a 9mm 1911. Amazing how well the recoil is absorbed with the heavy mass of the gun.I carry a Glock 32, which has a reasonable amount of horsepower. Yet, I also own a Kel-Tec PF9 for deep cover situations and I can tell you that I don't look forward to a range day with it...ever.
The PF9 is light and thin - wonderful for carrying. But those same factors beat you up at the range.
For your Dad, maybe think about a 1911, especially in 9mm and I think you'll see much better results.
I'm gona go a different direction and suggest you consider heavier, all steel guns, longer barrels (5"+), and possibly ports.Right now, I carry a Kel-Tec PF9. The recoil has never bothered me, but my Dad had severe wrist pain when he shot it. He only got 2 rounds through and had to quit. I've been experiencing more pain in my fingers and some in my wrists, but not to the point where I cannot shoot. It may well be coming. I know there is a shotgun that has no recoil (forgotten the name, it is also fully auto). I'm not an engineer, but is it the case that pistols are simply too small to develop that kind of engineering (low or no recoil)?
Ported barrels reduce muzzle flip but fair warning: in certain close situations the ports can end up blowing gas up into your face. This one is certainly a mixed bag. Fortunately, however, you can swap out barrels easily.
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