wifes views are changing, need help!


Cotillion

New member
I made the decision a couple months back to get my chl and start packing after not owning a handgun for the past 5 or so years. My reasons are the same as everyone else's, be prepared, we live in a dangerous world ect and my wife never voiced a concern until last night. A few years back before we started dating I flew into Vegas to visit. I got picked up from the airport and driven to her house where her friends had been drinking all night. One friend in particular was a complete nut job, apparently his brother and mother died within the past 2 years and he went off the deep end. Anyway I guess he was a racist because I asked if he was Indian and I looked down and he pulled a knife on me! I guess he was in fact Indian but like I said TOTAL nut job. I defused the situation by getting out of strike range and they calmed him down.

The million dollar question now comes up, if I was packing would I have ended up shooting him? I told my wife I would have done the same thing in that situation but it still seems to make her nervous. I've gone my whole life beating situations like this and keeping myself out of trouble. I'm not a "black out" or "see red" type of person I'm very conscious of what's going on. Because of that I've always been able to fight very well and I'm a very big guy so I've rarely been messed with but even when I am I walk away. How do I make my wife feel comfortable about this? I tried telling her that its strictly for one of those situations we've never been in but could happen any time. What if a car load of men attack us or a robbery or a rapist or whatever other sick type of people there are. I can and will defend myself without a second thought, but I'm also able to defuse situations and keep my head on my shoulders. I'm assuming most other gun fanatics on here are in the same boat with the same mentality I have, otherwise we would all be in jail! Any wife advice would be very much appreciated
 

localgirl

New member
Here's some advice: don't piss off the natives. For some reason they're still upset about that whole "reservation" thing.

But really, it sounds like you're level-headed. The best thing to do is keep doing what you're doing. Your wife will see you can handle yourself properly. I was nervous as hell when my husband started carrying, especially OC. But every time we had another uneventful day, I felt more comfortable with it. Don't make a big deal out of it, and it won't be.
 

Magmoore1

New member
I've actually found that I'm calmer when I have my firearm with me than I am without it. It is a very large responsibility and it does make you a lot more cautious and situations you wouldn't otherwise give a lot of thought to. I have my CHL and my husband does not (due to my job) however he insists that I have it on me when he and I go out together. As he puts it, he's only one guy and bad guys tend not to be alone or unarmed because they're all chickenshits trying make themselves look like more than they are.
 

Cotillion

New member
Yeah I've already signed us up for the next class. That's about the best advice I think I can get and just give it time. I'm sure the more time goes on without incident the more comfortable she will feel
 

Skiluvr03

New member
I agree with magmoore, I'm more reserved when I'm packing. I have been in a situation where if I hadn't have had my gun, I would have been more vocal or agressive with how I was treated, but since I have a gun, I realize the responsibility and avoid it altogether. It puts me into a more relaxed state and I feel more safe and it makes me feel good knowing that I can protect my wife and kids no matter what happens in most cases. It did take some getting use to at first because you feel like everybody can see your gun, but you get used to it. Now, I feel naked if I didn't have a gun. I wish one of those guys in that IHop would have had a gun, maybe they would be here today.
 

Cotillion

New member
I'm from Washington state and some years back there was a kid with an assault rifle that was walking through the tacoma mall shooting at everything that moved, during the attack he held up and took hostages and people started calling the news. One lady was saying that herself and her husband saw the kid and her husband pulled out his handgun as they ran to get away but he never fired. That got me to thinking, being a mall close to an army and air force base, how many people that day were packing? It amazed me that not 1 person fired back at him. I know the goal is to get away safely, but so many lives were ruined and taken that day. It still bothers me today just thinking about it
 

shiloh13

New member
Get her involved if possible

I have owned some type of gun my entire life. I worked armed security for yrs but I know alot of women are still not comfortable around our with guns. I would try to get her involved in some way. There are some really good DVDs for women and self defense, take her to the gun range of shes open to it. Gun makers are doing a great job with the pink & purple guns made especially for women. Find some blogs abt how women have been able to protect themselves. Find what ever it is that you think she would be open to. Find women she could talk to abt it. If she learns more abt the self defense part, I think she would be more comfortable. There is so much put there now in the way of information....good luck!
 

firelooker

firelooker
My wife usually has some comment to make when I put my pistol on when we go to town but she's getting used to it. She also has some very unkind things to say about pink pistols, doen't think women should have them and should learn to carry regular blued ones. She worked at the local prison for awhile and qualified expert on every gun they had.
 

ASC1WBullock

New member
I look at it in the way that, we never know what is going to happen when we are sitting at home with our families, walking down the street, in the mall, or just driving down the street. The point is that there is no certain place a violent crime is going to happen they just do. So, why not be prepared for it instead of the victim of it. Your wife wears a seatbelt in a car to keep her safe IF a accident occurs and you and I carry in case someone tries to harm us or another loved one. What's the difference?
 

TekGreg

New member
Cotillion, I agree with all that have said to try to go to training with her and get her involved, as an armed husband and wife team is a much more sound defensive force and it is much easier to get along. However, in the event that she is not to this point yet and taking you at your word, look her in the eye and in your most serious tone ask her, "When have you ever seen me lose control or act in an irresponsible way when wearing my gun around strangers?" When she can't think of one - and make sure she seriously considers your question - then ask, "Why do you think I would shoot your friend who simply made a bad decision and was so drunk I could knock him on his butt without trying? My purpose of carrying a gun is not to shoot any person I'm allowed to, but to defend myself and my family (you) from REAL criminals that present a REAL danger. I am the same guy with or without a gun, and I would've behaved the same way that night had I been carrying bazooka." If your wife trusts you and believes you to be a rational adult and you can talk to her very seriously, she should take an honest address of her concerns such as this to be sufficient to quell any doubts she has. AT this point, you might want to add that you're so serious about proving it, you've signed both of you up for a training class at the infamous XXXXX training school.

Just as a side note (not aimed at Cotillion), sometimes wives get doubtful of our intent when we make stupid macho comments while watching movies or T.V. and then later, when we strap on a firearm, the spouse thinks we might be carrying out that which we commented on during the movie earlier. It's a good idea to keep your real life ethos and your movie comments to family and friends consistent so no one ever mistakes something you say in the heat of the moment for something you might do later.
 

john118242

New member
I'm from Washington state and some years back there was a kid with an assault rifle that was walking through the tacoma mall shooting at everything that moved, during the attack he held up and took hostages and people started calling the news. One lady was saying that herself and her husband saw the kid and her husband pulled out his handgun as they ran to get away but he never fired. That got me to thinking, being a mall close to an army and air force base, how many people that day were packing? It amazed me that not 1 person fired back at him. I know the goal is to get away safely, but so many lives were ruined and taken that day. It still bothers me today just thinking about it

it takes ALOT to fire at another human being if u have ur sanity and morals. im guessing what was going through there minds was they didint want to shoot any by standers go through the legal troubles or get shot and get there families to safety takes skill and practice to actually be able to fire .
 

6shootercarry

New member
I'm from Washington state and some years back there was a kid with an assault rifle that was walking through the tacoma mall shooting at everything that moved, during the attack he held up and took hostages and people started calling the news. One lady was saying that herself and her husband saw the kid and her husband pulled out his handgun as they ran to get away but he never fired. That got me to thinking, being a mall close to an army and air force base, how many people that day were packing? It amazed me that not 1 person fired back at him. I know the goal is to get away safely, but so many lives were ruined and taken that day. It still bothers me today just thinking about it

Taking on a gunman with a rifle using a handgun is risky at best. Yea, I'd be looking for cover, but if he came close to me and loved ones.. I'd have to take the risk... Easier said than done...

The balance of ID and EGO...
 

xenaxdsc

New member
I have to say that the comments in this thread are so thoughtful. I am a flaming liberal who never owned a gun until 50+ years of age. I do now because of all the reasons you already know. My husband was the one who said we should do this and he didn't mean just for himself. He spent weeks discussing why it was just as important for me to have and know how to use a firearm as him. I was frightened by the whole idea. But he calmly and patiently discussed it with me for weeks. We went for training, did lots of reading, and what surprised me most (as a liberal who had the typical guns are unnecessary for average citizens) was the kind of talk that I see in this post. Rational, sane, logical, thoughtful, considerate, non-macho, talk. I am amazed at how my view of guns and "gun-toting" people was so skewed. And I know it's because of a) the media (movies and tv portrayal of the use of weapons is just odd sometimes) and b) because no one in my family owned or used or talked about guns as a form of self-protection.

I have always had a knee-jerk negative reaction to the kinds of rhetoric from gun lobby organizations or single issue organizations. Of course now I see the value in them, but my point is their arguments never convinced me. This kind of discussion, calm and rational, is what contributed to my change of heart. So the advice given here about taking your time to discuss your particular issue with your wife and bringing her into the training and getting her comfortable with the gun culture, seems very sound to me.
 

Sig1911

New member
For most women, I believe the issue is a combination of ignorance and fear. The best way to address those issues is education, woman to woman. The NRA sponsors a terrific program called Women on Target. If you have one in your area, I highly recommend it for your wife, and encourage her to take a friend.

Attending that one-day class changed my life in a dramatic way. My understanding of firearms increased about a hundred-fold. I went from being afraid to be in a room with a firearm to knowing exactly which gun I wanted for my own. Now, two and a half years later, I own several firearms, shoot IPSC, practice regularly, and carry everywhere I can legally carry. I am also a certified firearms instructor. One of my favorite things to do is to work with women who are in the position I used to be. I always stress that it's not necessary for them to become as big a gun nut as I've become, but it is essential that they understand how to handle a firearm safely and competently.

And I have to agree with JohnLM - I have no idea why gun manufacturers think that women would want a pink or a purple gun. It strikes me as condescending and presumptuous - as if the most important thing a woman would want in a gun is color coordination. I want a gun as powerful and intimidating as I am able to handle competently, thus - my favorite - a nitron finish full size 1911 .45 ACP.

I believe there are many more women like me out there who are just waiting to discover how fun and powerful it is to master firearms. Gun and holster manufacturers are incredibly foolish to ignore that nascent market.
 

Tucker's Mom

New member
I have asked myself often. Why would any woman want to carry a pink gun??
Because it makes them feel more sexier? Don't misunderstand me. I do not own a pink Glock and never will. It is just me. I am talking about the other side me who questions pink gun ownership too, why I do not like it...There are more womanly woman out there than I am. They like pink guns...and accessories. My first gun made me felt like I am more macho, "I now own a gun" attitude. My Glock made me feel I should be and must be a responsible gun owner because it can shoot easily. My CCWs gave me those responsibility to shut up. None of these are pink either.:no:
 

Tucker's Mom

New member
<snipped for brevity>
The million dollar question now comes up, if I was packing would I have ended up shooting him? I told my wife I would have done the same thing in that situation but it still seems to make her nervous. I've gone my whole life beating situations like this and keeping myself out of trouble. I'm not a "black out" or "see red" type of person I'm very conscious of what's going on. Because of that I've always been able to fight very well and I'm a very big guy so I've rarely been messed with but even when I am I walk away. How do I make my wife feel comfortable about this? I tried telling her that its strictly for one of those situations we've never been in but could happen any time. What if a car load of men attack us or a robbery or a rapist or whatever other sick type of people there are. I can and will defend myself without a second thought, but I'm also able to defuse situations and keep my head on my shoulders. I'm assuming most other gun fanatics on here are in the same boat with the same mentality I have, otherwise we would all be in jail! Any wife advice would be very much appreciated
If your wife has an email, send her the link about the flash mob, how it is the "in" thing nowadays. Explain this nicely to her...and patiently. Just make it as a matter of conversation around the table sort of thing.---what if you were out and a flash mob started coming at you? What are you going to do if you do not have something to protect yourself and her? Then tell her how you obtain your CCW, how much background check went into that before you were granted that. That might open up her mind that you were proven to be a person of good standing in the community, etc. Stand firm on your decision to carry. (Psssttt...my husband did with me. I have to shut up about the subject for a looooonnnnggggg time. It took some years for me to warm up to the idea of having a gun myself because I wasn't raised around guns.) Did i say be patient? -- She'll come around...
 

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