My husband got me a 9mm M&P and I really like it. I didn't at first, but once I tried them all, I ended up disliking the gun I thought I had always preferred, and switching to the M&P. I also liked the 1911 he had, but the 45 caliber made me a little gun shy, and I figured that if I want to have a carry gun, it had better be something that I won't stand around wincing and squinting with before I fire. Also, I like the interchangeable palm swells. My hands are small and many guns are made for people with large hands. This way, my son and I can both use it for competition, and when I get my permit, I can use it for carry.
I know there are a lot of diehards out there that "won't carry anything less than a 45". I am here to say that I don't want a hole put in me with either caliber, and I don't think it would matter much if I did. It is more important to me to carry a gun that I am comfortable with, rather than one someone else thinks I should be comfortable with. I'm not recommending a .22, but I am recommending that she find a reasonable caliber she is comfortable with.
If your wife is fairly unfamiliar with guns, allow her to try a number of different calibers and styles. We borrowed some from friends, and used some from our own collection, and I learned a lot. It was a great experience. Another thing we have done is a family is join a local IDPA match. It's a lot of fun, and a pretty cheap night out. I realize that it isn't perfect practice, but it is more practical than range shooting, and gives at least an idea of what can and should be done in a bad situation.
I have gone from being afraid of toasters and balloons, to being an adequate shootist, and someone responsible to, capable of, and willing to defend myself. I am still afraid of toasters & balloons, but I've learned that with a gun, I am in charge of when the "bang" happens, and I prefer that to the surprise of a balloon going off in my face.
