Wife Refuses to Carry

Don't push her. She has to make the decision that if push came to shove she could actually shoot someone and maybe kill them, just as all of us (should) have.
Until that time, nothing you say will do anything except "tick" her off.
 
Thank you all for your replies. Most common answer Ive seen is to let her choose when she wants to get the license to carry it. Shes not opposed to hurting anyone in self defense, I think its just carrying it outside the home that makes her nervous. Ive come home a few times to find the pistol was out of her bedside table. Ive asked why, and she said she felt uneasy, but then again, I have an 11mo old child at home. [watch out for the bear with a cub, shell end you lol]
I think she will eventually come around to it, at least Ive got her talking about it from time to time, and she has absolutley no issue with me carrying, openly or concealed, and on numerous occasions shes asked me if Im carrying due to her feeling uneasy going somewhere without a weapon.
 
My wife is not afraid of guns, will occasionally shoot my guns, and is a very good shot. But, for a long time, she didn't want her own gun and didn't want to get a carry permit. One day, she dedcided she'd fill out the permit application. About a year and a half later she finally mailed in application. At some point, when I showed her gun pictures from magazines or web pages, she changed from, "I don't need one of those," to "that one's cute." Then it changed to, "I wouldn't mind having one like that." She now has a Ruger LCP with CTC laser and a carry permit. She hasn't actually carried yet, but she's equipped to do so whenever she's ready. It was about a 4-year process for her.
 
I stopped at my wifes work yesterday to pick up my sunglasses from her car, she was training a new girl, the wife pulled me into the back room and told me how another gentleman came into her work, basically barking "dont screw up my hair cut, or youll find out exactly who I am" and made the wife uneasy, I revisited the issue of her carrying concealed, [would help me sleep better at night if she would carry] she told me she will think about it, but DID NOT want to carry the S&W 908 she has at home. She told me she wanted "the pink gun" she saw at a local gun store in the area. I told her come tax season we'll get her weapon [dont quite remember what the 'pink one' is] but if it gets her to carry and protect herself, Im all for it. Would be a shame to see a pink monster in my home, but Ive found weirder things....

Thank you all for the support, both for my side and taking into consideration my wifes personal feelings, alot of you were pretty spot on with how she felt, I let her read this thread a little bit, she was a little surprised and was able to answer questions to herself she apparently didnt consider before.
Looks like she will be getting a Ruger LC9 or wtf ever this pink thing is lol.
 
If she doesn't want to carry a gun then leave her alone. Let her make her own decisions and don't pressure her.
 
Itstjs said:
[would help me sleep better at night if she would carry] she told me she will think about it...
Looks like she will be getting a Ruger LC9 or wtf ever this pink thing is lol.
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I've been married for over a quarter century. Once you find out (or pay attention to) what motivates her your life becomes a little easier (not much). Her caring more about how something affects someone else rather than herself isn't that unique. Makes me feel good to know I may have helped a little.
-
Oh, I think the pink one is the LCP (.380)
 
Could be the Walther PK380 too. Unless she stated clearly that it was an auto-loader she saw, it could be a Charter Arms "Chic Lady" .38. I think S&W Air-Weights are also offered in different anodized colors. May be others too...
 
So... what about the non-lethal options? Not as good, but hey, better than nothing. Get her some pepper spray or a tactical pen... anything that could help.

Also, without knowing any of your wives I can't really say anything, but as a woman I never gave a second thought to self-defense until I had a son. Not only was the idea of killing someone pretty horrifying, I had some interesting mental issues and deep down didn't really think I was worth defending. Now, I have a boy to get home to. Sorry BG, you're out of luck. So don't go the "you need to protect yourself" route, go with "I would be devastated if anything happened to you" instead. It'll turn it from doing something for herself to her doing it for you. That whole society conditioning thing where women are weaker and are only supposed to take care of kids or be helpful to a man is still around and can be kind of hard to get over. One of the most significant, and extremely emotional things I've ever had happen was a defensive handgun instructor looking me in the eyes and saying "I have met you, and I know you now. Your life is worth defending. You have my permission to defend yourself." I'd still never thought of it that way before, it was all about protecting my son, not myself.

Oh, and as for the "Yes Dear:"
BluesStringer said:
"Yes Dear." That answer is her "tell" that she's lying. I've known it for years, and even told her I know that "Yes Dear" is just her way of getting me to stop talking about whatever I'm talking to her about.
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She knows you know! She can now honestly use "Yes" to mean "No" and technically not be lying. Been there, done that... my husband knows that when I use something along those lines, it means I'm not ready to talk about it yet.

The most important thing for a guy to remember when dealing with a girl is this: It doesn't have to make any sense to be very real to her. Ask questions; if she doesn't answer she might not know herself yet. Or, she's embarrassed, or thinks you'll think it's stupid. No arguing here, just listen. Nudge later. :wink:
And start with the less-lethal options... once she's in the mindset that she can/should protect herself, she might start being more comfortable with the idea of carrying a gun.

At any rate, there's a woman's POV. Everyone is right with the "don't bug/nag her about it," but this might be why.
 
NavyLCDR said:
Bikenut said:
My wife had a severe conflict (don't we all?) when presented with the question of whether to shoot another human being in order to be able to continue to stay alive.

And that conflict was resolved when I asked her if she would shoot a predator trying to rape and kill her grand daughter. And if she was willing to do that then why wouldn't she be willing to shoot a rapist trying to rape and kill herself... so she could stay alive to protect her grand daughter from that rapist.
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I don't think I ever had that conflict.
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+1 My life, my wife's, my childrens'... not conflicted at all.
 
telpinaro said:
Oh, and as for the "Yes Dear:"

She knows you know! She can now honestly use "Yes" to mean "No" and technically not be lying. Been there, done that... my husband knows that when I use something along those lines, it means I'm not ready to talk about it yet.
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HA! Just like a woman to only hear a small part of the conversation and base their retorts on it! LOL

My wife and I were in the Jeep taking our 13 year old cat to the vet to be put down yesterday (megacolon and pancreatic cancer
sad.png
). She was heartbroken that it was "that" time, so I was trying to make small talk and take her mind off it. I mentioned this thread and what I said in it, and jokingly told her about the "Yes Dear" thing, but asked her to verify whether or not I was right about these parts of what I said:

BluesStringer said:
Every once in a great while she'll give a big sigh and walk back in the bedroom to get it, but for the most part, she just says "Thanks for reminding me" and grabs it without any sign of being bugged by my nagging. So I keep nagging....

....Oh well. Usually she carries, so I don't make a deal about the few times I know she's BS'n me about it. But even if I did, she doesn't have any real doubts that my motivation is completely for her safety. She might get tired of hearing the nagging every once in awhile, but she knows the only thing it gets me is peace of mind. It's not like she thinks I'm "making" her carry because I'm overly controlling or anything.
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She laughed for a couple of seconds and confirmed that the gist of what I said there is absolutely correct. A couple of seconds of lightheartedness was more than I had a right to expect, but I was satisfied that I got that.

After 25 years, we've got this thing down pretty well. She preferred the solitude of her empty office today rather than my company. I didn't take it personally, nor did I ask her if she had her gun. She does though, if anyone's interested.

Blues
 
BluesStringer said:
HA! Just like a woman to only hear a small part of the conversation and base their retorts on it! LOL
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Hey now... that wasn't a retort! I just thought it was amusing that she does the same thing I do. :happy: Sorry, though... thought it was clear the rest of my post was solely directed at why some wives don't carry, not why yours doesn't since I had read that she did.

And I'm sorry about your cat... That's so sad. 13 years can really make them a part of the family. Had to put my dog down thanks to a brain tumor recently. Wish my husband had been around to make me laugh... he's stationed overseas.
 
telpinaro said:
Hey now... that wasn't a retort! I just thought it was amusing that she does the same thing I do. :happy: Sorry, though... thought it was clear the rest of my post was solely directed at why some wives don't carry, not why yours doesn't since I had read that she did.

And I'm sorry about your cat... That's so sad. 13 years can really make them a part of the family. Had to put my dog down thanks to a brain tumor recently. Wish my husband had been around to make me laugh... he's stationed overseas.
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Sorry to hear about your dog too. I hope you and your kid have been there for each other through it, since hubby couldn't be.
 
telpinaro said:
Hey now... that wasn't a retort! I just thought it was amusing that she does the same thing I do. :happy: Sorry, though... thought it was clear the rest of my post was solely directed at why some wives don't carry, not why yours doesn't since I had read that she did.

And I'm sorry about your cat... That's so sad. 13 years can really make them a part of the family. Had to put my dog down thanks to a brain tumor recently. Wish my husband had been around to make me laugh... he's stationed overseas.
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Absolutely no apologies necessary. I thought a "HA!" at the beginning and an "LOL" at the end of the first sentence would make it clear that I was joking about the "retort" thing. Must've lost something in the translation between Martian and Venusian. LOL

Thanks for the condolences for "Critter" the cat. GW (my Gorgeous Wife) has been kind of weepy all day, but that's to be expected. Critter was mostly "hers," while Blue the Wonder Dog is "mine." He's a pup (just turned 1) so with any luck, it'll be a pretty long time before either of us has to deal with this again. I'm not much of a crier, but I definitely do, and will, miss that fat fur-ball. He was great company during my weeks-long recovery before I could stay on my feet for very long after back surgery in '02. Glad he was nowhere near as fat as he got between then and yesterday! LOL He was a good cat that had a great life that was full of love. GW will be fine. Thanks to you and wolf_fire for your concern, and sorry to hear about your dog too.

Blues
 
BluesStringer said:
Must've lost something in the translation between Martian and Venusian. LOL
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Actually, it's probably more the internet format... never gets things across properly! I spent seven years in the Navy, so I'm pretty good at the guy-speak thing, since all the women were a bit nuts by the end of a deployment. (For most of them, that was quite the understatement... A few of them stayed their normal selves, at least!) My issue has always been getting myself across correctly on the internet, so I tend to jump to the "oh sh!t I made no sense again" thing rather quickly! lmao
 
telpinaro said:
Actually, it's probably more the internet format... never gets things across properly! I spent seven years in the Navy, so I'm pretty good at the guy-speak thing, since all the women were a bit nuts by the end of a deployment. (For most of them, that was quite the understatement... A few of them stayed their normal selves, at least!) My issue has always been getting myself across correctly on the internet, so I tend to jump to the "oh sh!t I made no sense again" thing rather quickly! lmao
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That is where my OCD comes in. About half the time that I post something, I re-read it and immediately edit it to fix a typo or clarify something.
 
whodat2710 said:
That is where my OCD comes in. About half the time that I post something, I re-read it and immediately edit it to fix a typo or clarify something.
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I suffer from CDO. It is similar to OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order like they are supposed to be. :-)
 
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