dcselby1
Denny
This is dedicated to Tucker's Mom. I've a feeling she'll love this one.
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a womanin the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As Iwas reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from hismother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are notnecessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her strugglethe phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommycan't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towelsand running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I wasinterrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at myuniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing thereport. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is thatright?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extendedher foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station..As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw alittle boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally hesaid, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, Iused to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailinglyintrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkersand wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soakingin a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, shemerely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her daddonning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard theintoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that properburial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting,then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorousdignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glorybe unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (Iwant this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting mytime,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't letme talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingeredthrough the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked upthe object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressedin between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam 'sunderwear!'
NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT .
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a womanin the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As Iwas reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from hismother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are notnecessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her strugglethe phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommycan't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towelsand running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I wasinterrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at myuniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing thereport. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is thatright?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extendedher foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station..As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw alittle boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally hesaid, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, Iused to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailinglyintrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkersand wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soakingin a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, shemerely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her daddonning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard theintoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that properburial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting,then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorousdignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glorybe unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (Iwant this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting mytime,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't letme talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingeredthrough the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked upthe object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressedin between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam 'sunderwear!'
NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT .
