One day in 2006 I got a call from my aunt. She told me that my only sister had committed suicide. My sister had a life-time of mental illness, and had made at least 20 (mostly half-hearted) attempts over the years, so though shocking and sad when I first heard the news, it wasn't a huge surprise. Libby and I had been estranged for many years. The only child she had, a son, had a horrible life of being bounced around from family members' homes to complete strangers to him. My wife and I had him for a short period when he was a year old, but because of Libby's and my subsequent estrangement, and us moving far away from where Libby lived, he grew up with only Libby's version of who "Uncle Blues" was. My aunt told me in that phone call that he wanted to talk to me and gave me his phone number.
He was 21 when I called him. The conversation was awkward and uncomfortable at first, but it soon came out that he was the one who found her and his two toddler children were with him. Libby's long, rambling suicide note included several references to blaming my nephew for all her problems. She did the exact same thing on her first suicide attempt in like '76 or thereabouts, with our mother. Somebody else was always to blame for her problems, and they were responsible for her self-destructive actions, not herself. I came to understand that it was part of her mental illness, but it was very difficult to allow that understanding to override the resentment I had for all the problems she caused my family throughout the years. When I started hearing how bad my nephew had it throughout his childhood, I couldn't imagine how he could ever come to that understanding and let go of his resentment and hurt. So I just talked to him about all the common experiences we had in life, both concerning his mom, and the similar circumstances of our respective childhoods. His dad was never in his life, neither was mine. He got in a lot of trouble as a kid, so did I. He dropped out of high school, so did I. He was a drug addict at an early age, so was I. Somehow we had picked up very similar interests, motorcycles, guns, hunting, the outdoors, so it was real easy to relate. I had no profound enlightenment to give him, just concerned conversation, but both of us came away from that nearly four-hour conversation with an epiphany that neither of us was alone in our experiences. We weren't as unique as either of us thought. Hundreds of thousands of people go through what we've been through, and survive and thrive for the rest of their productive and fulfilling lives.
Bottom line, just be an ear to hear and a shoulder to cry on for Chad, and let him get it all out of his system in his own time. His faith should make a huge difference for him. I acquired faith after all that happened with my sister and her son. The whole 20+ year episode was a huge burden that knowing our Lord has relieved me of. Good luck and God Bless you for caring. As hard as it might be for Chad right now, he knows that you care and are there for him.
Blues
