Old Farmer...


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An Old Farmer's Advice:

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight
And bull-strong.

*Keep skunks and bankers at a

*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a
John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner
Than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't Never gonna happen anyway.

* Don 't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get
Older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't Bothering you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever
Have to deal with, watches you from The mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a
Lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot
Easier than puttin' it back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some
Influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

* Don't pick a fight with an old man.
If he is too old to fight,
he'll just kill you.

Yeah the last one has been retold a bunch of times but it is so true.....

More country ism's

*If you ain't got time to do it right...when are you going to find time to do it over?

*Don't tell your neighbor how to plow his field

*Never drink a blind man's moonshine....How do you think he got blind?...Bad moonshine!
A few more... old sayings.

"He's as poor as Job's turkey"

"She talk's ever which way."

"This thang is plum whompered-jawed."

"I'm between the devil and the deep blue sea."

"Give him time and he'll come to his milk."

"I'll slap you to the back side o' no where."

"As common as pig tracks."

"He walks like he's got ants in his britches."

"Man, she looks like she's been rode hard and put away wet!!"

"Worthless as a one legged man at an a$$ kicking contest."

"All dressed up and no where to go."

"Slicker than snot on a glass door knob."

"Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."

"Hotter than the shehubs of Hell."

"Dumber than a stump."

"To stupid to poor pi$$ out of a boot."

"Happy as a pig in mud."

"Motor mouth."

"King Bull$hitter"

"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."

"Missing a couple of bricks."

"The lights are on, but nobody is home."

"To dumb to pound sand in a rat hole."

"A day late and a dollar short."

"Low man on the totem pole."

"Ain't got both oars in the water."

"If his brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose."

"Crazy as a loon."

"They are just like a camera with no film in it."

"Strong as an ox."

"Sly as a fox."

"Ugly as sin."

"Stubborn as a mule."

"She's over the hill."

"Burning the candle from both ends."

"Naked as a jaybird."

"Doesn't know her a$$ from a hole in the ground."

"Dead as a doornail."

"Fit as a fiddle."

"Filthy rich."

"Dirt poor."

"She's sharper than a tack."

"Smart as a whip."

"Do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck?"

"You can fool people some of the time, but you can't fool them all of the time."

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