New Cutlery Laws


Bondhead88

New member
I have been thinking on a new slogan. If those who say Guns kill people then we should also protest cutlery because they make people fat. So the new slogan should be "Flatware causes fat wear!"

I think we should start a national cutlery registry. People should be limited to the total quantity of cutlery sets they own.. Also variety should be limited.

People buying cutlery should have to background check by NICS (National Instant Cutlery Background Check System)

If you live in a state that borders Mexico you should not be able to buy cutlery in greater quantities of a 4 place setting in a 24 hour period. This is to prevent obesity in illegal aliens

Purchasing multiple similar pieces of cutlery like butter/dinner/steak knife or tea/soup spoon or dinner/salad/desert fork combinations should have a 48 hour cooling off period. The exception should be towards the salad fork because etiquette dictates salad forks should already be chilled.

Companies like Oneida, Unica and Cambridge Silversmiths will be required to stamp individual serial numbers on all items created. This will help identify those units which cause deaths by overeating of the user. Cutlery manufacturers will be held legally responsible for those people who by their own overindulgence caused themselves to have a heart attack.

75% of the surface of cutlery will have advertisements of carotid arteries, plaque lined arteries, fattened hearts, fat lined livers, fat lined kidneys to show what can happen through cutlery caused obesity. 15% of the surface will have pictures of feet so those who have fallen to cutlery caused obesity will be reminded they still have them.

Parents leaving spoons in the reach of children where ammunition such as pudding is easily available will be charged under the NOA (National Obesity Act)

Cutlery in the home will have to be secured so it cannot be used for it's designed purpose. The tong lock for forks and the convex head lock for spoons should be engaged at all times.

Forks, knives and spoons should be kept locked in different drawers so they cannot be easily or simultaneously accessed. Cooking cutlery such as strainers, ladles and spatulas should be kept in adjacent rooms to reduces additional safety issues.

You need to ensure that when traveling to other states you are familiar with their laws. While in your home state it may be legal to have both a knife, fork and spoon beside a dinner plate in any configuration you choose it may be illegal in places like Illinois to have your fork on the right side sitting beside you knife or like in Ohio where a steak knife may not be within 6 inches of a butter knife or 12 inches within a dinner knife.

Please ensure you are also familiar with state laws regarding notification of cutlery possession, if confronted with hospitality staff while in an eatery establishments use caution. If you are asked a question by a waiter or waitress do not boldly proclaim "I have a crab fork!" Instead, have your CCP (Concealed Cutlery Permit) in your hand along with your DL (Dining Licence).

As in all cases, we the government (which used to be we the people) will decide for you the serfs, what we the lords (I mean leaders) think is in our best interest.
 

You might be able to simplify this if retailers had a bathroom scale and a height weight chart. Also you seem to have totally forgotten the assault (carving) knives. No one really needs a long knife to carve a roast or turkey, a boning knife works well enough.
 
I understand you are trying to make a point, but it isn't a joke. Take Australia, after banning firearms they have gone after knives, here are some example of their laws found on the internet.

"the state of New South Wales made it illegal to sell knives or knife blades to anyone under 16. Plastic knives are still acceptable. Everything else, though - from cake slicers to cutlery - is off-limits. In Queensland, a new law prohibits carrying a knife in public without a "reasonable" excuse - a loophole that, the police minister stressed, did not include self-defense. With those two models in place, other slates and territories have adopted, or at least considered, similar anti-knife rules of their own."

Victoria

"In this state a normal fixed blade or folding knife is referred to as a "regulated weapon" and "a person must not possess, carry or use and regulated weapon without lawful excuse" and "a person must not carry a regulated weapons unless it is carried in a safe and secure manner consistent with the lawful excuse for which it is possessed or is carried or is to be used". A lawful excuse includes:

the pursuit of any lawful employment duty or activity; and
participation in any lawful sport, recreation or entertainment."


When a liberal wants you defenseless they really want you COMPLETELY defenseless.
 
I have been thinking on a new slogan. If those who say Guns kill people then we should also protest cutlery because they make people fat. So the new slogan should be "Flatware causes fat wear!"

I think we should start a national cutlery registry. People should be limited to the total quantity of cutlery sets they own.. Also variety should be limited.

People buying cutlery should have to background check by NICS (National Instant Cutlery Background Check System)

If you live in a state that borders Mexico you should not be able to buy cutlery in greater quantities of a 4 place setting in a 24 hour period. This is to prevent obesity in illegal aliens

Purchasing multiple similar pieces of cutlery like butter/dinner/steak knife or tea/soup spoon or dinner/salad/desert fork combinations should have a 48 hour cooling off period. The exception should be towards the salad fork because etiquette dictates salad forks should already be chilled.

Companies like Oneida, Unica and Cambridge Silversmiths will be required to stamp individual serial numbers on all items created. This will help identify those units which cause deaths by overeating of the user. Cutlery manufacturers will be held legally responsible for those people who by their own overindulgence caused themselves to have a heart attack.

75% of the surface of cutlery will have advertisements of carotid arteries, plaque lined arteries, fattened hearts, fat lined livers, fat lined kidneys to show what can happen through cutlery caused obesity. 15% of the surface will have pictures of feet so those who have fallen to cutlery caused obesity will be reminded they still have them.

Parents leaving spoons in the reach of children where ammunition such as pudding is easily available will be charged under the NOA (National Obesity Act)

Cutlery in the home will have to be secured so it cannot be used for it's designed purpose. The tong lock for forks and the convex head lock for spoons should be engaged at all times.

Forks, knives and spoons should be kept locked in different drawers so they cannot be easily or simultaneously accessed. Cooking cutlery such as strainers, ladles and spatulas should be kept in adjacent rooms to reduces additional safety issues.

You need to ensure that when traveling to other states you are familiar with their laws. While in your home state it may be legal to have both a knife, fork and spoon beside a dinner plate in any configuration you choose it may be illegal in places like Illinois to have your fork on the right side sitting beside you knife or like in Ohio where a steak knife may not be within 6 inches of a butter knife or 12 inches within a dinner knife.

Please ensure you are also familiar with state laws regarding notification of cutlery possession, if confronted with hospitality staff while in an eatery establishments use caution. If you are asked a question by a waiter or waitress do not boldly proclaim "I have a crab fork!" Instead, have your CCP (Concealed Cutlery Permit) in your hand along with your DL (Dining Licence).

As in all cases, we the government (which used to be we the people) will decide for you the serfs, what we the lords (I mean leaders) think is in our best interest.

You have seen our future, truth is scarier than fiction.
 
I understand you are trying to make a point, but it isn't a joke. Take Australia, after banning firearms they have gone after knives, here are some example of their laws found on the internet.

"the state of New South Wales made it illegal to sell knives or knife blades to anyone under 16. Plastic knives are still acceptable. Everything else, though - from cake slicers to cutlery - is off-limits. In Queensland, a new law prohibits carrying a knife in public without a "reasonable" excuse - a loophole that, the police minister stressed, did not include self-defense. With those two models in place, other slates and territories have adopted, or at least considered, similar anti-knife rules of their own."

Victoria

"In this state a normal fixed blade or folding knife is referred to as a "regulated weapon" and "a person must not possess, carry or use and regulated weapon without lawful excuse" and "a person must not carry a regulated weapons unless it is carried in a safe and secure manner consistent with the lawful excuse for which it is possessed or is carried or is to be used". A lawful excuse includes:

the pursuit of any lawful employment duty or activity; and
participation in any lawful sport, recreation or entertainment."


When a liberal wants you defenseless they really want you COMPLETELY defenseless.
And I still have a house in Melbourne (Victoria) and feel so defenseless when I visit...
 
Well that won't happen here because there are too many who will take a stand for their 2A rights, right?

I hope you are right but, when you get right down to it, how many will take a stand? There is a lot of bravado coming from keyboards but WSHF, how many can we count on to join us? This is a serious question. When the next war starts, Israel v. Iran, U.S. v. who knows who, you will probably see martial law declared and, like during Hurricane Katrina, the government will want all weapons turned in. What have you done to prepare for that eventuality? What weapons you say, I don't have any weapons. I sold all my guns at the last gun show. I've taken up wood carving now. What, you want my knives now?
 

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