My Garmin

[NCIC105]

I have a little Garmin
It sits there in my car
A Garmin is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are

I have a little Garmin
I've had it all my life
Its better than the normal ones
My Garmin is my wife

It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice.

It fills me up with counseling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the damn thing off!

 

[Sh00tn Butt]

Dementia quiz

first question:

You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

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answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the
second person and you take his place, you are in second place!

Try to do better next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, ok?

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second question :

If you overtake the last person, then you are....?

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answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are ......
Wrong again. Tell me sunshine, how can you overtake the last person??

You're not very good at this, are you?

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third question :

Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do not use paper and pencil or a calculator.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for the correct answer......

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did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100......

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?

Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe...

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fourth question :

Mary's father has five daughters:

1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and ???
2. What is the name of the fifth daughter ?

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did you answer nunu? No! Of course it isn't. Her name is mary! Read the question again!

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okay, now the bonus round, i.e., a final chance to redeem yourself:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does he indicate what he wants?

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it's really very simple, he opens his mouth and asks for it...

Does your employer actually pay you to think??
If so do not let them see your answers for this test!

 

[BluesStringer]

Umm.....I got 'em all right, and I didn't need a calculator, my wife, or a Garmin! LOL

Blues

 

[cwm1611]

My Garmin would like to see some prose categorizing the vagarities of the Garmin possessors (not quite her wording, but same idea).