is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mom who is going to jail?

[3900]

since there is an off topic section here, I thought I would ask for opinions.


my wife will be going to county jail for seven months for a money crime. . I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. I have a daughter who is 14 and she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how her mother is "the one getting ordered around". I think it is just a joke and I think it is better to be that way instead of being hysterical I am wondering if she should visit. Would it be wise to expose a 14 year old to a jail environment? It could be scary or traumatizing. My wife says bring her if she wants to and not if she doesn't want to, but even if she want to it might not be right. Seeing the environment and guards and other inmates probably might be scary. Never thought of the day any of us would be in legal trouble or involved with the police. I wonder if there is any real benefit of visiting or if phone calls are better I hope to handle this situation well

 

[Oldgrunt]

Yours is a hard decision to make but one that should be handled sooner rather than later. You said you had kids. How old are the others? If you don't tell them the facts up front, they will learn them from other kids and in a manner which could cause a lot of trauma. Kids can be cruel to others, not knowing the facts surrounding what happened and the harm they may further cause. If the 14 year old is your youngest, she seems to be handling the situation fairly well but when the mother actually leaves for her incarceration, things may get a little tense. Kids are a lot stronger than we sometimes give them credit for so I think I would be very forthcoming with them. Good luck.

 

[nogods]

Regardless of your decision, get your kids into a counseling session with other kids who are going through the same thing or have gone through the same thing. No matter how much you think she is joking on the outside she is hurting on the inside. Do not be fooled by outward appearances.

She needs support that you can't give her. Being around other kids in the same situation with a professional counsel will be a great help in addressing issues that will otherwise go unresolved and eventually manifest into destructive behaviors. Don't put it off.

 

[XD40scinNC]

A 4 year old I would understand your question, but at 14 year old? It causes me to wonder if you really appreciate her maturity level, plus it could well be a life lesson to keep her off the wrong path.

I base this on the maturity level of my 14 year old grandson.

Visit to jail or not, she needs support.