EastOkHotRod
Member
First off; flashlights are for NEOPHYTES.
I suppose these primitive means of illumination are sufficient for the average gunowner. But for a man such as myself who wields a GOLD SHIELD CCW BADGE as he guards the sheep, more is required.
Please read carefully as I illuminate you (that was a clever pun) on my skillful and studied approach to NIGHT-OPS.
Those who wear the CCW BADGE must Own The Night. I accomplish this first with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES. When the sun goes down, I am wearing NVG'S. Even in my own home, which I keep dark during the night. When I venture out of the house, I am always wearing four guns...on the strong side hip is my Ruger Super Redhawk chambered in .480 Ruger with a 3-9X 50 scope. On my off hip is my .500 Smith&Wesson. Right ankle; Colt Combat Commander. Left Ankle; Colt Python. I only carry AMERICAN steel on my person. There is a CCW Badge on each holster...but at night I shroud them to prevent reflection. My primary Gold Shielded CCW badge is in my Specially Embroidered CCW Wallet.
After I have put on my firearms, it is time to dress for NIGHT OPS. I begin by applying a liberal coating of dark gray body paint over my sensuous naked flesh. Yes, I also paint my impressive manhood.
For the next couple of hours I disguise myself as a hedge. At 5'8" and 345 lbs., I am roundish and sensual. Therefore, it only requires that I glue hedge clippings onto my naked body to produce the right effect. The only clothing I wear are my knee-high patent leather boots.
I also disguise my wheelbarrow as a smaller hedge, as it is for supplies. On a typical night, I load it with four liters of mountain dew and six cans of Wolf Brand chili which I eat cold for the sake of operational security. I also take along five-hundred rounds of ammo for each of the pistols I carry. Other items: machete, axe, 6 cell Maglight, 80-million-candle-power spotlight attached to 12 volt battery, bolt cutters, throwing stars, throwing knives, expandable baton, night stick, snickers bars.
After donning my NVG's, I am ready to begin NIGHT OPS. I move slowly and stealthily through my neighborhood until I find what looks like a trouble spot. If there is gang activity or potential thievery taking place, I park my wheelbarrow in a front yard and keep my lonely vigil. To passersby, I am just a hedge, standing next to a smaller hedge(the wheelbarrow). To the criminal element, I AM A NIGHTMARE.
Usually, I take criminals by surprise. They turn and see a Hedge approaching, and then feel the impact of my night stick. When they regain conciousness they cannot help but ponder a new career.
BUT THERE HAVE BEEN GUNFIGHTS.
I battled it out with that Mexcian Gang, MS13 one night. About thirty members were drinking tequilla and playing their mariache music and swinging at pinatas in a local park. I crept to the edge of that park, and announced, 'THE PARK IS CLOSED.' Perhaps they never heard a hedge talk, because they opened fire all at once.
HA....I gave them a dose of my 80-million candle power spotlight to blind them, then turned it off and moved into the bushes. Casualties were heavy. I will not say more. The only damage I sustained was to a Mountain Dew bottle.
When the police arrived, I remained on scene. The responding officers thought I was a hedge, you see. One of the wounded gang bangers kept crying out, "el diablo de los matorrales lo hizo" That means "The Shrubbery Devil did this." I crept away stealthily.
Not all nights are as eventful, but they are all satisfying. Satisfying, because I am doing my best to ensure public safety and morality in this town where I proudly wear THE GOLD SHIELDED CCW BADGE.
Yours truly,
The Shrubbery Devil.
I suppose these primitive means of illumination are sufficient for the average gunowner. But for a man such as myself who wields a GOLD SHIELD CCW BADGE as he guards the sheep, more is required.
Please read carefully as I illuminate you (that was a clever pun) on my skillful and studied approach to NIGHT-OPS.
Those who wear the CCW BADGE must Own The Night. I accomplish this first with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES. When the sun goes down, I am wearing NVG'S. Even in my own home, which I keep dark during the night. When I venture out of the house, I am always wearing four guns...on the strong side hip is my Ruger Super Redhawk chambered in .480 Ruger with a 3-9X 50 scope. On my off hip is my .500 Smith&Wesson. Right ankle; Colt Combat Commander. Left Ankle; Colt Python. I only carry AMERICAN steel on my person. There is a CCW Badge on each holster...but at night I shroud them to prevent reflection. My primary Gold Shielded CCW badge is in my Specially Embroidered CCW Wallet.
After I have put on my firearms, it is time to dress for NIGHT OPS. I begin by applying a liberal coating of dark gray body paint over my sensuous naked flesh. Yes, I also paint my impressive manhood.
For the next couple of hours I disguise myself as a hedge. At 5'8" and 345 lbs., I am roundish and sensual. Therefore, it only requires that I glue hedge clippings onto my naked body to produce the right effect. The only clothing I wear are my knee-high patent leather boots.
I also disguise my wheelbarrow as a smaller hedge, as it is for supplies. On a typical night, I load it with four liters of mountain dew and six cans of Wolf Brand chili which I eat cold for the sake of operational security. I also take along five-hundred rounds of ammo for each of the pistols I carry. Other items: machete, axe, 6 cell Maglight, 80-million-candle-power spotlight attached to 12 volt battery, bolt cutters, throwing stars, throwing knives, expandable baton, night stick, snickers bars.
After donning my NVG's, I am ready to begin NIGHT OPS. I move slowly and stealthily through my neighborhood until I find what looks like a trouble spot. If there is gang activity or potential thievery taking place, I park my wheelbarrow in a front yard and keep my lonely vigil. To passersby, I am just a hedge, standing next to a smaller hedge(the wheelbarrow). To the criminal element, I AM A NIGHTMARE.
Usually, I take criminals by surprise. They turn and see a Hedge approaching, and then feel the impact of my night stick. When they regain conciousness they cannot help but ponder a new career.
BUT THERE HAVE BEEN GUNFIGHTS.
I battled it out with that Mexcian Gang, MS13 one night. About thirty members were drinking tequilla and playing their mariache music and swinging at pinatas in a local park. I crept to the edge of that park, and announced, 'THE PARK IS CLOSED.' Perhaps they never heard a hedge talk, because they opened fire all at once.
HA....I gave them a dose of my 80-million candle power spotlight to blind them, then turned it off and moved into the bushes. Casualties were heavy. I will not say more. The only damage I sustained was to a Mountain Dew bottle.
When the police arrived, I remained on scene. The responding officers thought I was a hedge, you see. One of the wounded gang bangers kept crying out, "el diablo de los matorrales lo hizo" That means "The Shrubbery Devil did this." I crept away stealthily.
Not all nights are as eventful, but they are all satisfying. Satisfying, because I am doing my best to ensure public safety and morality in this town where I proudly wear THE GOLD SHIELDED CCW BADGE.
Yours truly,
The Shrubbery Devil.