Ccw badge holder night-ops


New member
First off; flashlights are for NEOPHYTES.

I suppose these primitive means of illumination are sufficient for the average gunowner. But for a man such as myself who wields a GOLD SHIELD CCW BADGE as he guards the sheep, more is required.

Please read carefully as I illuminate you (that was a clever pun) on my skillful and studied approach to NIGHT-OPS.

Those who wear the CCW BADGE must Own The Night. I accomplish this first with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES. When the sun goes down, I am wearing NVG'S. Even in my own home, which I keep dark during the night. When I venture out of the house, I am always wearing four guns...on the strong side hip is my Ruger Super Redhawk chambered in .480 Ruger with a 3-9X 50 scope. On my off hip is my .500 Smith&Wesson. Right ankle; Colt Combat Commander. Left Ankle; Colt Python. I only carry AMERICAN steel on my person. There is a CCW Badge on each holster...but at night I shroud them to prevent reflection. My primary Gold Shielded CCW badge is in my Specially Embroidered CCW Wallet.

After I have put on my firearms, it is time to dress for NIGHT OPS. I begin by applying a liberal coating of dark gray body paint over my sensuous naked flesh. Yes, I also paint my impressive manhood.

For the next couple of hours I disguise myself as a hedge. At 5'8" and 345 lbs., I am roundish and sensual. Therefore, it only requires that I glue hedge clippings onto my naked body to produce the right effect. The only clothing I wear are my knee-high patent leather boots.

I also disguise my wheelbarrow as a smaller hedge, as it is for supplies. On a typical night, I load it with four liters of mountain dew and six cans of Wolf Brand chili which I eat cold for the sake of operational security. I also take along five-hundred rounds of ammo for each of the pistols I carry. Other items: machete, axe, 6 cell Maglight, 80-million-candle-power spotlight attached to 12 volt battery, bolt cutters, throwing stars, throwing knives, expandable baton, night stick, snickers bars.

After donning my NVG's, I am ready to begin NIGHT OPS. I move slowly and stealthily through my neighborhood until I find what looks like a trouble spot. If there is gang activity or potential thievery taking place, I park my wheelbarrow in a front yard and keep my lonely vigil. To passersby, I am just a hedge, standing next to a smaller hedge(the wheelbarrow). To the criminal element, I AM A NIGHTMARE.

Usually, I take criminals by surprise. They turn and see a Hedge approaching, and then feel the impact of my night stick. When they regain conciousness they cannot help but ponder a new career.


I battled it out with that Mexcian Gang, MS13 one night. About thirty members were drinking tequilla and playing their mariache music and swinging at pinatas in a local park. I crept to the edge of that park, and announced, 'THE PARK IS CLOSED.' Perhaps they never heard a hedge talk, because they opened fire all at once.

HA....I gave them a dose of my 80-million candle power spotlight to blind them, then turned it off and moved into the bushes. Casualties were heavy. I will not say more. The only damage I sustained was to a Mountain Dew bottle.

When the police arrived, I remained on scene. The responding officers thought I was a hedge, you see. One of the wounded gang bangers kept crying out, "el diablo de los matorrales lo hizo" That means "The Shrubbery Devil did this." I crept away stealthily.

Not all nights are as eventful, but they are all satisfying. Satisfying, because I am doing my best to ensure public safety and morality in this town where I proudly wear THE GOLD SHIELDED CCW BADGE.

Yours truly,

The Shrubbery Devil.


New member
LOL that was one fine exsample of stuff there that make my mind giggle.
wow I clap for 10 mins sir standing up. the bush did it. carry on your mission from GOD.
Could we could make this a ongoing comic book I do like great storys and mad tv is on only one time a week.


New member
I bow to you sir..!

You are a true heroe, the protector of the holly of holllies. (little holes).

Since you are a protector...I need to ask, do you have a cape? are you out and about with a compres shirt?
how heavy is the NVG? do they make you look stylish?

and the last but most important question...Do you, Sir. Wear Super heroe underware?

The people of this forum...want to know.

Tucker's Mom

New member
The BUSH lives near the Mexicali border. ...ever heard of a Spanish-speaking BUSH? What a lot of crap!:wacko::biggrin:


Well-known member
Oh come on! Every self-respected CCW Badge wearing internet Rambo knows that night vision equipment is a poor substitute for firing a star cluster flare. Light up the night with your M203, which can be attached to just about any rifle with the correct adapter.

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